gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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