The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
