is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
