Michael Bay diarrhea
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
