i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
