Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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