I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
