he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
