it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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