Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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