Your dad touched me again.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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