I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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