Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
