Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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