She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
