At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
