the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize