Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
