I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
