I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So many bounce houses so little time
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
