No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
