im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The beers last night were like the tears from god
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
