I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
