i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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