I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
