I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
