I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
