You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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