I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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