just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
