Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
