My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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