My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
