Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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