remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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