hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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