Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
