If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
