Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
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His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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