It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
