She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize