false alarm. still invincible.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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