Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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