OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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