Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
