Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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