the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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