so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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