I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
