I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
