NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
