i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
