You know, be my cock's hype man.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
