he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
