remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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