He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
