Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
