i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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