What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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