my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
