2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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