Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
