Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
