There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
