I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
