So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
