Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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