there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
