hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
