we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
