rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
