i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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