Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
