alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
