if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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